For most people I know, speaking is a simple, natural everyday activity that holds no fear. This is not the case, though, for a person who has lived many years of their life as a stammerer.

For twenty-odd years of my life I was one of those people who woke up every morning with the fear of having to speak. As simple as it sounds, fluent speakers don’t really understand what goes on inside a stammerer’s mind, the fear, the stress and the emotional baggage that comes with having a stammer.

It is not known what causes a stammer, some people say its genetic others say it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain. Whatever it is, the bad news is, there is no known cure for a stammer.

As far back as I can remember, I have always had some sort of speech impediment, maybe not a stammer at the beginning but something was definitely different. My mother tells me that I could never pronounce my words properly as a toddler. I can remember that she used to bring me to speech therapy every week when I was about five. This obviously didn’t help much. Maybe I was too young to realize what was going on.

My speech didn’t seem to affect me during the first few years at school, it was when I reached 1st class that I noticed myself getting very tense when asked to read aloud. I didn’t stammer though– just felt very uncomfortable and nervous.

One day I was moved into a different class for the day as my teacher was sick. I’ll never forget that day as long as I live. The substitute teacher asked me to stand up in front of the class and say my name. This was the first but definitely not the last time I stammered, it took me about thirty seconds just to get my first name out. I remember hearing everybody in the class laughing at me. That fear of stammering then travelled with me throughout my primary school days.

In secondary school I suppose I was perceived as a shy person but all the way through secondary I was always in trouble with my teachers, maybe this was something to do with the anger and frustration of my speech building up inside.

Anyway, I made it through secondary school without any major bad memories. I passed my Leaving Cert but never really achieved my full potential. It was definitely when I left school and was on my own in the real world that my problems began.

Life is hard enough for fluent speakers leaving school, never mind having to do it with a stammer. It was quite impossible for me to get a job as I was terrified of using the telephone. I still was until a few months ago. So I always applied for jobs by email or had my mother ring up about them.

I’ve been out of school seven years now and haven’t held down a proper job for more than two years. I just couldn’t cope with the stress of going to work every day and having that fear of when will I stammer next. My confidence was rock bottom.

At this point, I was doing anything I could do not to talk and when I had to talk I used tricks like substituting difficult words for easier words to say. This can be very frustrating and very annoying so there was always an element of anger and confusion inside me.

Many people I worked with must have just thought I was very quiet and a little strange. But what people saw of me on the outside wasn’t the real me, I’m actually quite an outgoing person but this monster of a stammer on the inside was messing with my head and holding me back.

My speech finally went totally out of control about a year ago, I could hardly get a word out, I was closing my eyes and had a very bad facial struggle trying to speak. I said to myself and family ‘I cannot take anymore of this’. My mother had mentioned to me on a number of occasions about a speech therapy course called the McGuire Programme that she had seen on the television, but I was always too afraid to pick up the phone and get in touch. Thank God, I finally built up the courage to pick up the phone because it’s the best move I ever made in my life.

I’m now on the McGuire Programme and the difference in me is amazing. I’m full of confidence, my speech has improved dramatically, I’m more assertive and finally my true personality is coming out. I’m not cured as there is no cure but I’m a lot happier now than I ever was in my life.

I’m actually looking forward to doing interviews for jobs and I now enjoy making and receiving phone calls. I never thought for a minute, I’d be writing an article like this about my speech. I owe an awful lot to the McGuire Programme for the help they have given me.

The McGuire Programme started in 1994 and is now a worldwide organization run by people who stammer to help other people who stammer. It is a combination of physical techniques and mental strategies that deal with the fear of stammering, as well as how to develop an assertive attitude towards the problem.

The McGuire Programme can be contacted through Joe O’Donnell Tel: 074 9125781/074 9110134, Mob: 086 3429602, www.stammering.ie