This week saw the launch of a 30 minute ‘sci fi/ romantic tragedy/ gothic horror/ period piece’ film called ‘Vale Road’, by a previously-unknown and somewhat unlikely writer /director/ producer: me, pictured right, with my dog Sam.

This is the story of how it came to be made. About 10 years ago I wrote a short story called ‘The Tenant’, which I later turned into a filmscript. I submitted it for funding, unsuccessfully.

I had a couple of local neighbours in Donnybrook willing to act in it at the time, and a would-be filmmaker who dilly-dallied while one of the perfect locations for the film, set in Donnybrook, turned into a new block of flats. The would-be filmmaker moved on, and I gave up.

Then, in 2004, as luck would have it, my daughter and I landed parts in a 10-minute episode of ‘A Scare at Bedtime’, called ‘Old Acquaintance’, with Podge and Rodge.

The Director, Julian Hills, wanted to make a film of his own, and I proffered my old script– now renamed ‘Vale Road’– and took him around all the locations I had in mind in Donnybrook.

These included the weir at the River Dodder, the old footbridge in Donnybrook, and my own 200 year old crumbling cottage. Julian loved the locations, but decided to shoot his own script, using my locations.

This became the prize-winning short, ‘Death’s Mailing’ (2005) a short black comedy about grave robbers in the 19th century, loosely based on Burke and Hare.

I remember the day that two rather unsavoury looking characters, with beards and tattered old-fashioned greatcoats, arrived on my doorstep and demanded to be let in. It was a relief to learn that they were the actors Kevin Malone and James Kearney, in costume and makeup!

Then for about three days, about 30 people occupied my house and turned my kitchen into Boyle’s Lodging House and a bedroom into a murder chamber. The art director ran his fingers over the old, fading wallpaper with newspapers peeking out behind it.

“Do you know what it would cost us to create such effects?” He said. “Don’t change anything before the shoot!” I could have said, if I haven’t got around to it in 25 years in this house, I certainly won’t get it redecorated by next week.

Anyway, my second opportunity to have my film made came and went. But Shane McCullagh, actor and freelance photographer on ‘Death’s Mailing’, met me in January 2007 and asked me about ‘Vale Road’.

“Why don’t you make it yourself?, he asked. Make it myself? He might as well have asked me to construct my own version of the Eiffel Tower. The idea of making the film by myself on a no-budget basis had never occurred to me. He said when I was ready, he would do my stills for me. So– I had my first crew member!

The fact that my film was set in roughly the same period as ‘Death’s Mailing’ (1830s) meant that I had some idea what kind of set dressing and costumes might be required. I literally watched period films and wrote down the titles of the crew members required to make it. Let’s see, we need a DOP– Director of Photography– and an AD– Assistant Director. And so on.

By June 2007 I had together a cast, but no crew other than Shane. Some of my actors, wondering if this film was ever going to happen, began to drift in other directions. I then learned one of the cardinal rules of film-making: get your crew together first, and a shooting schedule, then worry about your actors.

Actors are usually easier to get than crew. It is easier to find people who want to be in a film than people who want to do the hard slog behind the scenes.

So, finally, we had a shooting date: one short week in August 2007, which we had to make look like October, when the film was set. One coup was getting Andrew Edger, who had done the wonderful camera and lighting work on ‘Death’s Mailing’, to join the team as DOP.

Having the advantage of having shot in my house before, I knew Andy’s experience would also save time on camera set-ups. I had no idea how long the finished film would be.

The main character is a young, troubled Irish-American who comes to Dublin to get over a breakdown after his girlfriend drowns, and a flawless American accent was needed. To my amazement, while over 60 young actors really wanted this part at the audition, none were American.

It was clear that their concepts of a flawless American accent varied wildly and sometimes humorously. Conor Drum, albeit Irish, worked on his accent with the generous help of accent coach Derek Chapman, and really understood the character.

When the film was shot, we had seven hours of footage. I began to discover the vagaries of technical equipment. After many searches and false starts, a brilliant filmmaker/ editor, Noel Brady, came to my rescue.

His first edit was a film, but not the one I had made. For one thing, my dog Sam, who was a key character in the plot, wasn’t in it. “The dog stays in the picture!” I roared, paraphrasing studio head Darryl F. Zanuck. After about six edits, we got to something that approximated the film in my head.

Now we come to the next hurdle: distribution. By the way, if anyone wants to buy a copy of the DVD for personal use, including a slide show on the making of the film, please get in touch! I don’t know if I will ever make another film. But if I do, it will have two characters in a room.

Copies of ‘Vale Road’ are available from ‘NewsFour’ at €12.