I’m down to my last pair of Wranglers, my last Peter England shirt, my last pair of socks and jocks and my last pair of shoes.

Well, not really folks, but if I were to fill all the charity bags that have come through my letter box recently I’d be starkers.

Seven charity bags in five weeks, I kid you not. These people must think we discard our kit every time we have a hot dinner.

The bag comes with lots of information and instructions. We desperately need your unwanted clothing, curtains and shoes “in pairs,” the leaflet explains. Well, there’s not much you can do with one Hush Puppy, I’ll give them that. Try and “fill the bag,” the leaflet says.

Incidentally, these bags are, in fact, large refuse sacks and they’re not all the same colour, oh no. Variety being the spice of life and all that, we got four black, one yellow, one grey and would you believe it, one pink bag.

There are so many charity bags doing the rounds these days you’d need to emulate the ‘Good Lord’ when he performed the miracle with the loaves and fishes. Bags of clothes instead of baskets of food.

If you are short on unwanted clothing fear not, other items are also gratefully accepted. Jewellery? Yes, my friend, jewellery will suffice in place of that Crombie overcoat or the Chavez shirt. An old superfluous Rolex watch or the 22-carat gold bracelet will do nicely thank you very much.

But I’m not into jewellery, I hear you cry, don’t panic, there’s a huge list of stuff these people need. Handbags, hats, belts, mirrors, clocks, toys, games, bric-a-brac and antiques are all acceptable in the charity bag.

Your magnanimity will help both those at home or, as one leaflet says, people of Eastern Europe and part of Russia.

I searched and searched until I found an old pinny with a large floral design on it. I use it when I’m doing my Jamie Oliver trick when the visitors come. Into the pink bag it went, along with a few other bits and pieces I managed to find.

I did as the leaflet said and left the bag outside my front gate, visible and ready for collection at nine o’clock the following day. Nine o’clock, ten o’clock, eleven o’clock. Rock we’re goin’ to rock around the clock tonight.

Well, I could rock all I like, but still no sign of the pink bag being collected. I left it out for one more day, alas no collection. I took it back in that evening emptied the contents out and used the pink bag to line the green wheelie bin.

I picked up the pinny; maybe I’ll do a repeat of the Jamie Oliver. As for the charities, dare I say they seem to be making a right ‘bags’ of it, don’t they?

Happy Christmas.