Years ago we had tea. And if we really wanted to treat ourselves we’d have a nice Marietta on the side. Our rich relatives might fancy a coffee and that was fine too. A jar of Mild Blend Maxwell House and they were beside themselves with glee. In fact, we were all happy back then, dunking our Digestives into our milky cuppas.

But just look at us now. Our heads are half-crazed from having to make too many drink decisions. “Huh, let me see, will I have a Latte or Cappuccino? How about a Mocha? An Espresso might be good. No, I know, a Café Americano; I haven’t had one of them before. Wait, maybe a de-caff would be better for me.”

But do I want a regular, tall or grande? And is it for here or do I want it ‘to go?’ Not even a copper would ask you so many questions.

And who is to blame for all these ridiculous questions and even more ridiculous drinks? One word, people. ‘Friends’.

Yes, I’m afraid ever since those wise-cracking twenty-somethings with their perfect teeth first started hogging the couch in Central Perk– the café on the show– our simple life of tea and scones have never been the same.

The show was so popular, we didn’t just copy the hairstyles, we also wanted the character’s coffees. Before we knew it, foreign workers in baseball caps were serving us caffeine cocktails from fancy Italian machines.

And yes, I did queue up like everybody else to taste my first cappuccino and boy, did it taste good. But I took umbrage at being asked Do I want it ‘to go?’ I only just got here, for God’s sake, why do I want to go?

And what’s with the Americanised grammar ‘to go’ anyway? Does it take too long to say ‘takeaway’?

If I want a cup of coffee, I like to sit down in a café with a nice ceramic cup in a comfy seat. I don’t want to be sent to the streets with a cardboard cup and a corrugated strip around the middle. Cardboard cups have an unfortunate connotation with homeless people, and besides the coffee doesn’t taste as good.

If you must walk around outdoors with a cup of coffee in your hand, I say forget this ‘to go’ nonsense. Just go out and buy yourself a flask.