I am not a lover of self-help books and hate it when someone tells me that this or that book has ‘changed their life’. However, when I read ‘The Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz I felt compelled to reassess my own behaviour. I keep going back to it and each time I try harder to put into practice what I read. It isn’t easy but then anything really worthwhile never is.

Don Miguel Ruiz was raised in Mexico and went on to Medical School and became a surgeon. A near-death experience changed his life and from then on he devoted himself to carrying forward the Toltec knowledge as his ancestors did before him.

The Four Agreements is written very simply and can be read in less than a day. However, trying to live by the message is much harder and could take a lifetime.

The First Agreement: BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

The word impeccable comes from pecatus, which means sin. Ruiz says that sin means everything that you do or believe that goes against yourself. So impeccable means exactly the opposite– without sin, which means that you don’t use anything against yourself. You don’t use words for self-destruction or for self-rejection.

The Second Agreement: DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Ruiz says that you live in your own story, and everybody around you is living their own story. They see you according to their point of view. By realizing this, and not taking anything personally, you have immunity in your relationships with those around you.

The Third Agreement: DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

We can make so many assumptions about life, about other people or events, and consequently suffer for things that may never happen.

The Fourth Agreement: ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret.

Ruiz quite correctly says that you need a very strong will to adopt the four agreements into your life. Personally I think it’s worth a try.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (ISBN 1-878424-31-9) is available in all good bookshops at €15.80